How's it going Mag.

So how's it going Mag? Many have been asking me that since leaving work at school.

I've been reading a book called "the Family Friendly Church". It is all about moving from a "church-centered, home-supported ministry model TO a home-centered, church-supported ministry model." It describes this Pastor's journey. The book begins by describing his home life. He was ministry centered. All about his church work, family was secondary - they could wait. He began feeling the strain in his relationship with his wife. She began to mention her struggles and the need for a change. How would this sense of balance come? What would cause the sense of urgency that he needed so that he would reprioritize his life? He shared his struggles with another Associate. They were trying to research "Family Ministry" and get a better handle on this ministry model shift. What happened?

He was granted a Sabbatical. A what? A paid leave from his church duties. Three months to rest, rejuvenate, and research Family Ministry. They outlined his duties. The type of research he was to accomplish. He was to travel and meet others who were accomplishing what they wanted. He would return after 3 months with 6 solid contacts, present his findings and a prospective plan of action. There was a big list. But much of this could be done within his home. Travel could include his family. These three months were going to save his family. He began spending more time at home. Scheduling his "work" time. Scheduling his family time. Not just being around, but being THERE, rebuilding the much needed relationships. He quickly began to discover that in order to lead a church into a family focused minstry model - he first needed to focus on stregnthening his own family. I'm not done with the book yet.

Anyhow, this kind of what I feel the Lord has granted me. Time. I was feeling my life very unbalanced. I had already decided that I wasn't returning to work next school year. So this year was spent, just waiting for next year. Everything would be better, I just knew it. So many things to do - develope sunday lessons, figure out what family based ministry meant, events, family focused events, Berean courses, mentor team members, build relationships with kids, school, my husband, my kids, work on homework with them, house cleaning, roundtables. It just seemed that I would never be excellent in anything. But I kept going. I don't consider myself "burntout". I just had this constant feeling that if I did something it was at the expense of something else. Sort of like life before being on a budget - if you splurge and buy something new, its at the expense of one of your bills.

So I was determined to stick it out for the rest of the year. That's was responsible people do right? Finish their commitments. I became aware that I was not taking care of my body the way I should have. I decided to go see a doctor. (I don't go to doctors). He told me he could help me, but I had to get to the root of the issue. The why? He asked if I lived a stressed life. Or unbalanced. I said, "i guess so." I told him I couldn't really set the blame on any one aspect, just the whole unbalanced life. He asked me to share. So I rattled off the list above. He had his back to me and turned quickly. He said, "you will never beat this thing, living life the way you are. As long as your mind is stressed, unbalanced, feeling like you can't ever finsish . . . your body will never be restored. Its starts with renewing your mind." Now my doctor is a christian doctor. He always prays for me. When he mentioned "renewing your mind" I immediately thought of the the verse in the Bible. I was waiting for him to tell me to quit working at the church. I didn't envision myself agreeing to that. But he said the opposite. He said, "consider taking time off of school" I told him that I was already planning to do that next year. He asked why am I there now? My response was, "I told them I would. I make the commitment for the year" He said, "there are a lot of other things you could have said: money, I love my work there I can't live without it. Really consider taking a leave for the rest of the year. 30 hours a week, on what I am guessing is not the highest on your priority list. Is it really worth it? There comes a time when you have to take care of you. Honor your body, renew your mind. Getting a sense of balance will help you beat this."

I pondered. And pondered. I shared with my teacher the possiblity. Just to see if she'd freak out. I read my book. It seemed that time was what he needed. Time to get things in perspective. I asked Jorge. He said, "God is giving you the gift of time. A medical leave, would give you time and you'd still get paid through your contract (a reduced amount). Nobody can look down on you for leaving on medical terms. If the doctor is recommending, its' ok." I was on my way to an appointment in tri-cities. I got there on time. But the wrong day! I felt so dumb. You see I don't do those things. I have always been able to mentally keep my schedule. It was so out of character. I said, "that's it - I really can't even keep my mind on track. tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor. i'm going to discuss leave with him." Now I know many of people have missed appointments. But it was a big deal for me.

So here I am. Just about one week out. I feel good, at peace. I made a weekday schedule for myself. Monday - unscheduled day to spend with Jorge (he's off mondays - he is thrilled he made the list), Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday - schduled work days (i make a list of things i need to accomplish and write me a timeline) Friday - playday and houskeeping (a time during the day to just play with the boys - maybe even go outside!). The evenings are no longer work time. My family is happy. I have cooked almost everyday. Also, througout the days, there are Jeremiah breaks for hide n seek games and puzzles, and Jorgie reading and piano practice breaks. But you get the picture. So it is great!