Friday, April 06, 2007

My daddy loves me.

My DADDY loves me! Speaking about my heavenly father. You see I have always taken to heart the verse "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm. 37:4. It seemed so easy. If you rejoice in God, do what he says, please him then you could have what you want - granted that his desires will become your desires.

Well around December. I began getting the desire to have another baby. You see Jorge and I had been bouncing around the idea for some time. I wanted a baby, he didn't. Then around November he decided that yes, he wanted another baby. Then I had this honry feeling like "now I don't want one. it's got to be my idea." Doesn't that sound so controlling! Well in december I wanted a baby. I wanted a baby enough to take action. So I called my midwife and had my iud removed. I timed things so perfectly so that that if I calculated correctly - which I did - I could get pregant right away. I read online to find out what days I was ovulating. The works. Didn't get pregnant in january. Tried calculating again in Febrauary. Didn't get pregnant.

At this point I was upset. I prayed and I asked God why he gave me the desire for a baby if he wasn't going to give me one. I asked him "are you going to give me a baby or not?" he told me "no. you are not ready" I remember feeling so hurt. Like how can my daddy say no. I am delighting in him. I believe he put the desire within me and Jorge. Then I went to the Lord again, this time asking for more direction. I said, "how am I not ready?" The answer was simple, yet perplexing. He told me, "your health is not ready. you have not honored your body." This was big for me. He was identifying an area of weakness in my life. An area that I had to delight myself in the Lord - where I was not delighting.

So right away, I went to the doctor. I know this must be killing some of you to read that I have issues, but not know what they are. He helped me identify things more. So I began this journey to correct my own behaviors. It has not been easy. I am not done yet. I remember thinking "so how does this all fall into place. I wonder if God is going to wait to give me a baby until I am completely restored. Or is taking action enough." I had no idea.

Well blog world. I am pregnant. Just a few weeks. I have a new sense of urgency for my medical issues. But I also have a calming peace. A peace that God loves me. That he helped me identify an area in my life that could be better. But doesn't wait to bless me until I have it perfected. The act alone of initiating obedience. Choosing to follow his commands is enough to bestow his blessings upon me. I feel very loved.

On a side, not this is going to be the funnest pregnancy yet. Cathy is bubbling over with excitement! He eyes get so big her smile so wide when she says "my mom IS PREGNANT". She put her ear to by belly and began giggling that it sounded squishy like water gurgling. I'm going to have fun with her. Jorgie: bewildered look like - are you serious then asks how do you know, looks at pregnancy test and says "you must be having two since there are two lines". Jeremiah: lays on the bed looking up and says "our own baby" with a big smile.

5 comments:

Owners of 657 Colonial View Rd said...

Congratulations, Maggie and Jorge!! Do you know when you're due? I'll be praying everything goes well. Dawn gave me the URL for your blog some time ago, so I check in periodically to see what's new in your world.

You may have already heard, but Abaz and I are also expecting a baby! It's a girl, due on June 16. The pregnancy has been really smooth so far with very minimal problems/discomfort--lucky me!

maggie said...

Ilse, thanks for staying connected with my life. I am guessing a baby in december. I am only like 3 weeks along. I suspected from talking to dawn that you were expecting. Let me know when you come around with the baby!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Maggie! I'm happy for you and your family. I know you're a terrific mom. I'm rooting for a girl this time, but as long as it's healthy that's really all that matters. Besides, Jorgie and Jeremiah are so cute! I hope you have an uneventful pregnancy. Thanks for calling me!

Anonymous said...

Hi Maggie,
Congrats to you and Jorge, I was waiting for your blog to announce that you were pregnant ever since you posted that you wanted another baby :), I'm so happy for you. You're truly blessed and like the Prada girl says, you are beautiful. I love the reactions from the kids. See you at church.
Love ya,
Jen

Anonymous said...

YAY! baby!